File These Under "DUH."

Picture Frames.

Yes, I treasure this photograph of this obnoxious child so much, that I'm going to frame it in pantyhose.

An Embroidery Club From Hell.

Now you, too, can make those creepy masks from "The Wall" by Pink Floyd.

Kelly Kapowski, We Hardly Knew Ye.

Yes - it IS Saved By The Bell's Tiffani-Amber Thiessen ( with a Y in those days), modelling 1980s crafty t-shirts with bears and cacti. Thanks to Kristen for finding this blackmailing gem at a local thrift store. I particularly love the Lolita look...

Pillow Squawk.

Ever get the feeling that someone is watching you sleep?

Harvest Time.

...And they feasted together in harmony: the Pilgrims, the Natives, the Scarecrow, the hippie witch, and the politically-incorrect jungle bunnies of Borneo.

Terror Of The Night

"...And on Halloween night, if you don't eat all of your candy, the Autumn Witch will come out of her hiding place and terrify you with her faceless cronies. The Autumn Witch is faceless, a terrible woman, with a merkin for a head."

Oh, You Really Shouldn't Have: Gallery of Shitty Handmade Accessories.

Gallery of Embroidered Dust Collectors.

Gallery of Frightening Placemats.

Gift Accessories That Make You Fear What The Gift Actually Is.

The Hooked Rug Kid, Part 1

"Hook eye, always hook eye! First learn hook, then learn pull. Hooked rug rule, Daniel-san - not mine. Man who hook rug with chopsticks accomplish anything."

Firecracker.

Nothing says "patriotism" like a pantyhose wreath and some fuzz.

Liberty Bunny

"...Life, liberty, and the pursuit of prey animals."

Guess What These Are Supposed To Be?

a) seaweed sculpture at fancy Japanese restaurant
b) renegade dust bunny
c) Cousin Itt's imbecile uncle


a) half-eaten bird attacked by wolverine
b) a dermoid
c) Big Bird Beyond Thunderdome


a) religious cult in soft sculpture doll form
b) something Aunt Rita made you and you'd better like it
c) a guilt-ridden reminder of your awful diet and attitude


a) Bonnie and Clyde, pre-rampage, in doll form
b) zombie killers waiting to spring upon you and feast upon your warm flesh
c) Camelot


a) a sad reminder of what happens when pennyroyal tea doesn't do the trick
b) what lurks in your septic tank
c) fibroids

Fashion Doll

Now Barbie (or a reasonable facsimile) can have her very own crocheted bikini to keep her warm by the fireside in the winter months and even warmer when it hits 95º in the shade.

Mad Vortex Presents: Handmade Dust Collectors!

Inspirational Stitchery.

When Jesus was having his trials in the Garden of Gethsemane, he was also reflecting upon the daisy-chain stitch and whether it would work well in his crewel piece.

Gallery Of Inexplicable Homemade Gift Ideas

Vest, for those hot, steamy Wilkes-Barre polka nights on WVIA!



Behold: The Angel of Tinsel, coming to suffocate you with thousands of strands of metallic foil!



Because nothing holds your illegal weed plants better than macraméd hemp!



File these under "WTF?"

Graduatin'

Congratulations to all the people graduating from wherever. Good luck in this tanked economy. Here's a shitty doll for you.