Sunday, October 29, 2006

Happy Feet

Dorothy "Dottie" McDaniels was a legendary tap dancer in the off-off-Broadway circuit. Her Capezios™ were Dottie's ticket to fame. One night, whilst rehearsing in the limelight of some ramshackle stage in the Kit-Kat Klub, she was called upon by two leprechauns. Dottie, being a good Irish girl, had been brought up to believe in the "little people." They promised her wealth and health if she would only do them a great big favour...tap out, in Morse Code, the lyrics to Whiskey In The Jar.
Dottie thought this strange, but she certainly wanted health and wealth, so she studied Morse Code diligently and learned to tap out the song to appease the Wee Folk.
One night the leprechauns returned, and she danced and danced. Dot-dot-dash-dot-dot-dot....the Morse Code swirled in her head as she tried to remember all the lyrics...
...And sent for Captain Farrell to be ready for the slaughter...
Whack for the daddio
Whack for the daddio
There's whiskey in the jar...

The leprechauns looked at her in utter disbelief. She had the whole bloody song down, perfectly. She even spelled all the nonsense words right, as far as they could tell. They had no choice but to grant her health and wealth.
Except they couldn't, because they weren't actually leprechauns. They were Morse Code-expert midgets from the Coney Island sideshow who had been wandering Manhattan looking for peepshows and prostitutes and found poor Dottie in some shitty nightclub. After making up some Irish blarney about shamrocks and sweaters, the two midgets went on their way.

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