Alfred, Lord Tennis Sweater

"Oh I'm frightfully sorry. I didn't see you standing there. Fancy a game of tennis? Oh ho ho, I see that GLINT in your eye, you saucy minx. Well, good to see you dressed properly for the ol' game-set-match. You have a nice set of DOUBLE ACES, wink wink! Heh heh heh. The old man's gone for a fortnight, want to bounce my balls?
YOU BLUSH, MADAME! I know I'm naughty, don't be cross with me, I'm just a silly wanker with too much money and too little sense. Come, I'm as HARMLESS AS A KITTEN! Fancy a stroll in the conservatory? Yes I KNOW it looks like I have on lipstick. I was putting on a little theatrical production in Mama's parlour with Cousin Fiona. Something MIME-y. Well you don't see ROBERT SMITH'S wife complaining about his fondness for lipstick, do you?"