Soldier Boy

"Then I'm going to give the old Gerry Kaiser the what-fer, and when I get back I'll be so strong, I'll be able to pull Nana's neck out of her collar bone again!"

Naughty Insinuations.

"Yes, the aroma does remind me of that..."

Peepshow.

With a wink and a naughty grin, as her cheeks puffed out a wiffy cloud of Lucky Strike smoke, Lorelai gave Percival a glimpse of the twin peaks of the Promised Land. The debutante ball WOULD bring a successful match, after all! Father was right!

The Moral of the Story.

"Now, look here. I told you smoking was bad for you for a good reason, and that's because I want you to stay the eff out of my Camels."

Pudding.

Mrs. Hamilton grinned as she stabbed the blood pudding with a silver knife. It oozed, the crushed kidneys inside emitting a fetid smell. Christmas was here again. At last.

A Christmas Miracle.

"Oh, Horace. It's lovely."
"I must put the finishing touches on it. It needs....another ball."
"Yes! Another ball!"
"...And then it shall be complete!"
"Yes. Our Christmas dreams will come true."
"I can't believe you fashioned this beauty purely out of earwax and navel lint. It's marvellous."
"I know."

Stocks and Bonds.

"This was a great idea, Dwight."
"I know. Totally gives us some street cred."

Carded.

"I say, this is a cracking game of whist. I could do with a spot of medicinal cordial. Donnie - is it I, or do you feel like you're being watched from above?"

Dinner Party.

Colonel Jenkins was taken aback slightly when Harriet Wimplebeech had, in a feeble attempt to discreetly cleanse herself of her spilled consommé, flashed the entire dinner party. He cleared his throat and went back to enjoying his dinner of boiled beef.

Dirty Thoughts.

What secrets lay under Raymond's beard? The unspoken thoughts he had about Elinor in that whalebone corset, for one. A sly smile came across her face. Vixen. Jezebel. What she did to the rush of his blood was almost enough to kill a man, or at least stop his watch.

Dowsing.

Madeline hadn't quite gotten the gist of water dowsing, but she did find that her particular "witchin' branch" had a pleasant ring to it when struck against one's head. It gave her hours of fascination, as did the voices who prompted her to do these things.

Doing The Wave.

"Ooooh I'm SOOOO MAAAAD! GRRRR I'm sooooo maaaad! I'm so mad I made my hair part DO THIS! AARRRRGH!!!!!"

Three.

They approached the trio with trepidation. They'd been warned by many of their bewitching siren songs, that coven of harpies with their wide-brimmed hats and exposed shins, shod in t-straps; clad in crêpe. Which would speak first? Medusa of the wire-rimmed glasses? Macbeth's mater of the marcel? They shook in awe and terror, mere shadows of their souls.

Greywaterloo.

Mrs. Fetters thought she had at last outwitted her laundry, but she'd later find out it had exacted its revenge with static cling problems and a greywater incident.

Phone Home.

Myrtle's new job was a little more risqué than she had originally thought, but she found when she lowered her voice an octave and changed up the accents, she got really into it.

Qualifications.

Well, she was missing about six teeth and her hair needed washing, but Elsa had a good, solid baby bucket and an immunity to measles, and that was what counted most.

Balloon Launch.

With the added velocity behind the Dual Beaker Principle of water balloon artistry, Derek, sporting a mischievous grin, was sure it would be the Greatest. Water Battle. Ever. If his target survived the head injury, that was.

Break A Leg.

Finally, peace and quiet. Relaxation. Traction. Forcing himself in front of that car had brought Kenny the best vacation he'd ever had in years. Being doped out on painkillers helped a whole ton, too.

Stouthearted Men.

They were men of steel, men of courage, men of jodhpurs and wellingtons.

Tweedle-Dee.

It took a lot of screaming, a lot of firetrucks, and a lot of love to convince Agnes to come down from that tree, but all was well in the end... despite our having to reassure her that the birds were able to fly themselves.