Sunday, October 21, 2007

Doll In The Family

Mommy and Daddy couldn't afford new Bratz dolls for Laura and Mary that Christmas; not with the layoffs at the plant and Mommy's club foot. The girls took matters into their own hands, and fashioned their own dolls, inspired by their "Little House" namesakes, from wooden spoons. They thought they had done pretty well for themselves, until they took their Spoon Dolls to school and got teased mercilessly for not having the money for Bratz. The girls swiftly realised how their "lame-ass pioneer people" failed to teach Laura and Mary the real lessons in life:
1) Baring your midriff (and belly jewels) gets you laid faster
2) What a girl really wants is not an education, but lots of ostentatious "bling"
3) Anorexia is hot, especially when there are thongs involved
4) Whittling your nose down to nothing is hotter than those schnozzes you were born with
5) Things to aspire to when you come of age involve clubbing, blow jobs, and drugs to snort up what's left of your nose.

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