Saturday, October 21, 2006

Fractured Fairy Tale.


Princess Gertrude of Pavlovia was heartsick. Her golden arrow, given to her by her beloved late father, King Asperger, had been lost in the Enchanted Forest.
"Oh, whatever shall I do?" she wailed.
As she feigned hysteria on the side of the cliff, a little fairy whispered in her ear.
"Princess Gertrude! I can find your arrow if you help me!"
"Anything, OH, anything!" she cried, tears staining her glossy cheeks.
"You must guess my name. If you guess incorrectly, you must give me your firstborn child."
"Oh, anything! I must have my golden arrow!"
"Well then, what is my name?"
"Rumpelstiltskin?"
"Nope. Good guess."
"Dave?"
"Nope."
"How many guesses do I get?"
"Three."
"Three more or three total?"
"Three total."
"Umm...ummm....could it beeeee....MISTER SNUFFLEUPAGUS?"

The little fairy was so angry that she had guessed correctly that he burst into a ball of fire and was never seen again. Princess Gertrude found the Golden Arrow (it had gotten stuck in a trunk of an old maple) and she showed that stupid fairy by never ever having kids and living in an ivory tower instead, growing her hair long, raising rapunzel lettuce (she won the blue ribbon for rampion at the state fair one year), weaving golden threads from straw and eating poisoned apples for dinner every night.

She built up quite a tolerance for strychnine.

1 comment:

Lois said...

The Lady Yasmira was all in a-dither. Her harp string had broken and there was no man around to fix it for her! She just could not understand why the gentlemen she dated never called back for a second date...although one of them had called her "dependent" and "clingy" and "a goddamned emotional bitch." Such language! She was probably better off without HIS sort in her life. How could one rely on such a man to fetch one a box of Godiva chocolates in the middle of the night?

So now the F-string on her favorite golden harp had broken, and she could not fix it with her soft and dainty fingers, and she would have to send for her daddy to come help her, and this gave her a headache. Daddy always made SUCH a big deal about helping her. She raised a slender hand to her pale brow and wondered if there might be a remedy that she could apply directly to the forehead.