Sunday, August 06, 2006

Vested Interest


INNER MONOLOGUE: STACEY IMAGINES A CONVERSATION WITH STAN AS SHE LOOKS IN HER MIRROR.

"I just got my braces off. Aren't my incisors hot? I'm discovering all these new things about my body now. I'm becoming a woman. Do you think I'm pretty? My piano instructor says I look a little like Brooke Shields. Like, if I toss my head like this, and it's kind of dark? And like you sort of make your eyes go out of focus? See? Okay, I'll do the impression. You know what comes between me and my Calvins? NOTHING. Don't I sound just like her? What do you think of my vest? Can you tell I'm developing? Mom got me a training bra at Sears the other day, it was on sale. She said I should start wearing one now that I'm becoming mature. I want to be really sophisticated like Cheryl Tiegs. I've been eating yogurt every day, just like Cheryl Tiegs. And I've moved up from drinking Tang every morning. Now it's Tab all the way. It's just one calorie! Have you ever read any books by Ellen Conford? My favourite is Hail, Hail Camp Timberwood. I swear that book was WRITTEN ABOUT ME. Would you like to go to the dance?"

7 comments:

Kat said...

And here I thought her favourite book would have been Are You There God? It's Me Margaret, with the mantra, "I must, I must, I must increase my bust."

Celia Pleete said...

Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret, sadly, isn't sophisticated enough for Stacey.

Kat said...

Ouch. Poor Stacey. She'd better practice up with a good pillow then.

Tits McGee said...

Didn't Stacey co-star in Little Darlings?

Celia Pleete said...

She was Cynthia Nixon's understudy.

Lois said...

I always wondered what a training bra was for. What, exactly, are the breasts being trained to do--jump through hoops and play the ukelele?

Anonymous said...

They are being trained to stand up and be perky so that men will stand up and be perky.