Sunday, May 11, 2008

Blind Date: James

This is James. James is a real manly man. He eats man meals: meat, and potatoes, and bread. On weekends he likes to go to lumberjack conventions and deforest with "SKIL!" He fishes, hunts, and does taxidermy. His biggest goal yet is to shoot up that 12 point buck he's nicknamed "Moby Grape" after that famous whale book he was supposed to read back in 8th grade. James also answers to Pastor Jim, who ministers to white kids and gives them shooting lessons on the side to teach them to pillage the earth Jesus left us.
James isn't exactly the "intellectual type," but he thinks with his gut, and that gut is usually bursting with sodium and cholesterol. He doesn't like any woman who is a secret liberal out to get rid of his guns and God. No, sir. He likes his women big, blonde, busty - the FOX News type, really. But they must be modest! He can't stand women who don't know the true path to righteousness. He has a big Swarovski crystal cross with the Lord's Prayer right on it for that special little sharpshooting pious babe who steals his heart.

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