Sunday, December 23, 2007

I'm Too Sexy For My Sleigh

Maybe it was the ubiquitous influence of Miss Tyra Banks; maybe Santa just listened to RuPaul tapes too much back in the early 90s - but whatever it was, he was getting tired of the presents scene and insisted VH1 film a new reality series, "AMERICA'S NEXT TOP SANTA." The worst contender was a fey, midget farm boy from Idaho named Ronnie Willis, who insisted on South Beach Diet-friendly baked goods from good little children, or he threatened to leave rancid ground beef under their tree. Ronnie made the photographer's life a living hell during the third episode, insisting on direct light rather than ambient, and screaming in his trademark lisp, "YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE TO BE ME!"

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