"Zombie, Zombie, Zomb-bay, hay, hay"

When I was a 13 year old girl, I didn't appreciate the aggressive marketing that every makeup and clothing company wanted to press on me. I looked at the models in the photos a lot, but instead of wistfully wishing I looked just like them, I imagined what they would look like as predatory zombies. I found endless mirth in erasing out their eyes and drawing scars and swastikas on them; blacking out their teeth; writing editorial comments about the copy, and adding fangs whereever possible. How did this affect my adult years? Well, I rarely use hairspray and take fashion cues from whatever messed up things I find in the Goodwill. You can say I'm a bonafide, Gen-X Madison Avenue Failure. So here, advertisers, I raise your 1991-1992 campaigns from the dead.