Lady Alice's Lifelike Crocheted Poinsettias

INNER MONOLOGUE OF LADY ALICE:

"Go ahead. WATER THEM. I'd like to see you try. Then I'll laugh at you because you couldn't tell they were MADE OF ACRYLIC YARN! What's WRONG with you? Haven't you ever seen a poinsettia before? The Christmas flower? Flowers aren't made of YARN. Everyone knows that. Except you, loser. And I didn't include the pot because I fu**in' smoked it. HA HA HA HA! SUCKERS!"